What They Don't Tell You About C-Sections

I am one of those moms who has to hang her head low and say, “Yes, he was born via c-section.” It’s true, after nearly 24 hours of natural labor my son was born via c-section. While I obviously wasn’t planning for this to be the outcome, there were also a few other things I wasn’t planning on with the c-section. There were just a few key things that all of the doctors, nurses and fellow moms somehow managed to leave out.

You are expected to walk around…the next day.
    Seriously. I’ll give you a moment to that let absorb. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either. The day before you spend hours in agonizing labor, get whisked off for an emergency c-section, then you have layers of skin, fat and organs cut open, THEN a doctor pulls a 6-10 pound bundle of joy from a gigantic hole in your stomach. Then the previously mentioned hole is sowed/stapled shut. And the next day you are expected to get out of your bed. If men had this procedure done I can assure you they would be in a medically induced coma for weeks following the procedure.
     However, if you’re lucky enough to be a woman you get just the opposite treatment. The day…approximately 18 hours later a nurse walks into the room and tells me we’re going for a walk. I laughed. Seriously, I laughed. I couldn’t believe that this nurse was serious. But, she was very serious indeed. She had me get up and walk around the room. Granted, she didn’t have me doing a marathon, but after a surgery like that, they might as well have broken out the hurdles and the balance beams because that’s what it felt like.

The pain gets worse.
    The first few days really suck, I’m not going to lie. Looking back, I considered those the honeymoon days of the pain. You still have the mondo dose of painkillers from the epidural running through your system for the first few days and none of your nerve endings have come back yet, so even though it’s bad, it’s a much more dulled version of what’s to come. Then after you’ve been home for a day or two you start getting feeling back…with a vengeance. You begin to understand why people bitch when they have surgery.
     I will never forget that moment when things started to hurt like hell. I was laying in the recliner with my son and went to stand up and I literally fell back down in the chair. I thought the worst was behind me by that point, before that I remember thinking, “Yeah, this sucks, but it’s not so bad.” Boy, was I wrong, like ridiculously wrong. When the pain comes back it hits you like…like you had a baby pried from the walls of your uterus and your stomach was sliced to bits a few days ago. I was trying to think of a catchy little comparison, but really, there is no comparison that could give justice to that experience. Oh, and you don’t even get the “good” drugs for pain, and if you do it’s not for more than a few days. More than likely you’ll be sent home with a prescription for some Ibuprofen…does that sound familiar? It should, because Ibuprofen is basically just Advil. Yep, you get some Advil to cope with that pain.

You still have to take care of the baby.
    Yeah, even after all that happens to your body and you’re left lying there like an abused, deflated balloon they still expect you to care for your baby. You’re beyond tired, beyond sick (did I not mention the uncontrollable puking for the next 24 hours?) and just beyond done…and then they give you this baby and say, “Feed it!” I remember being so thrilled to see him but also wishing I could take a nap. But no, after the lovely experience of having a c-section you then have to learn to breastfeed. I seriously thought that since my body had been through such an ordeal I would get some time, at least a few extra hours, before this all got started, but nope, not even close. As soon as we were back in the room there I was whipping my boob out and trying maneuver a nipple into my son’s mouth. I couldn’t even pee without a catheter or feel my legs yet but I was expected to provide 24/7 care for my baby.

People will assume you took the easy way out.
    After your long recovery and feeling like total shit for weeks to come you start to hear the lovely remarks from people. They start off really subtle and then eventually become blatantly obvious. A lot of people will insinuate that you got the easy end of the deal, others will just tell you straight out that you are a wimp for having a c-section. I labored for nearly 24 hours before having a c-section and people still assume that I had a c-section by choice. Many people have let me know that I probably just didn’t try hard enough.
     You will get this too. This might not happen right away but eventually you’re going to have that mom who got to deliver her baby the normal way. And she’s going to ever so subtly jam that proverbial fork into your side with a simple statement of, “Oh, you’re lucky, you just had a c-section, I had my baby vaginally.” You’re going to have to muster all of your strength to not yank her hair out and make her eat it. It’s the ultimate burn to the mother who tried so hard to have a normal birth and ends up with a c-section to hear the words, “You’re so lucky,” from a vaginal delivery mom. And you will learn to smile and nod because no matter how much you tell them how bad recovery sucks, they still assume you took the easy way out.

Sex still hurts for awhile.
    Like I’ve said before I had labor and pushing…my kid was basically almost out, he just refused to come out the last little bit. We knew what color his hair was before he was born, I’ll put it that way. For whatever reason, I just assumed that since he didn’t actually come out of my vagina that sex wouldn’t hurt afterwards. WRONG! It still hurts like hell. And not only does your vagina hurt during sex but you also have a brand new wound to worry about during sex as well. The first time we tried to have sex was worst than my actual first sexual encounter. It was painful, awkward, painful, gross, painful, unenjoyable and did I mention painful? Yeah, I don’t think of either of us enjoyed that experience. I was pretty sure my son would be an only child because the thought of repeating that ever again was laughable.
     Eventually it got better, but it took awhile. I even went back to my doctor to make sure my kidneys hadn’t somehow found their way into my vagina during the c-section…I was convinced there was something in my vagina that wasn’t supposed to be there, that’s how bad it hurt. But, it DOES get better, just don’t go expecting some sexy Lifetime Movie moments the first few months post-baby.


I’ve since come to learn that regardless of how my son born, I did the best I could. For months afterwards I felt guilty for not being able to give him a normal birth and hold him seconds after his birth. I still feel bad that he was held by 10 other people before I even got to see him, but I’ve come to terms with this and I’m okay with it now…kind of. And no matter how shitty of an experience that c-section was, I’m still up for round two when the time comes. There’s nothing that could ever stop me from wanting to hold another little baby in my arms in for the first time, or see that proud smile on my husband’s face.

New Dad Superpowers

My husband is amazing, I really couldn’t have asked for a better husband. However, I am loving this new set of “superpowers” he has developed since our son was born.
1. He can sleep through anything. He will be able to sleep through your child crying, screaming, vomiting, and coughing. You’ll begin to wonder if he would sleep through being “accidentally” kicked…and you’ll find that most of the time he can.

2. He can miraculously disappear the second the baby starts crying or even remotely smells dirty. You’ll have no idea how but suddenly he’ll be very engrossed in a very important project to avoid changing that diaper. “Sorry dear, I can’t change that diaper, I’m in the middle of disassembling this bomb.”

3. He forgets where you put everything. Everything. He will never be able to find that stack of diapers. You must have moved it. So therefore, he can’t change the baby.

4. He suddenly becomes employee of the month. He needs to work extra hours, even if there’s no extra pay. Anything to get home just a little while later.

5. He has a knack for “needing” to do things on the weekends. Miraculously his car NEEDS an oil change on Saturday…the same day you were planning to take the kids to the zoo.

6. This goes with number three. He will be completely oblivious to something right in front of him when you ask him to hand it to you.

7. Although he can’t hear the baby cry, he can hear you come home before your tires even hit the driveway. And he’s ready at the door for you with baby in arms.

8. He will forget how to cook. And how to use the coffee maker.

9. He can sense when baby is about to spit up and will quickly hand him off to you.

10. He knows when the baby needs to eat. Any time he’s in charge and the baby cries, he will assume that the baby needs to eat. Since you’re breastfeeding, this becomes your problem.

I was blessed with a really great husband. While, yes, he is guilty of a few of these, he is overall really great about helping me with the baby. Honestly, I can’t blame him for the most part. But he’s a total trooper and always comes home on time with a smile on his face happy to see me and my son no matter how much the baby is crying or how long it’s been since I’ve showered.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Amazon

Back before I had a baby I used to love browsing the stores. I would spend hours at the mall or Target. Occasionally I would splurge and by myself or my husband something nice or fancy. It wouldn’t be anything major, just a nice pair of jeans or a new bottle of nail polish. The best part though was just being about to leisurely walk around the store and contemplate what I should buy.

Now, since having a baby, I’m like a mad woman when I shop. I simply grab things that I need (or think I might need) as I see them and throw them in the cart before my son has a blow out diaper or melt down in aisle seven. I miss the days of walking around Target with a Caramel Machiato in one hand, pushing the cart with the other and just looking around the house wares department in search of a new shower curtain or throw rug. There was truly something therapeutic about this kind of experience.

Since having baby my retail therapy needs to come from elsewhere. I can no longer spend hours at Target search of a shower curtain, and let’s face, I don’t shower nearly as often so why do I give a shit if the shower curtain is getting gross? So, I needed to find some other way to enhance my life with retail therapy.
Then I suddenly remembered my best, best friend; Amazon. I can sit up on the computer at three in the morning and browse through all sorts of things. I look for new baby bottles, read the three hundred reviews, pick out a new razor for my husband and even get myself some new nail polish, all while sitting on my unshowered ass in my pajamas in my living at three in the morning.
99 percent of the time my purchases contain at least one of the following items: breast milk storage bags, pacifiers (because ours are forever being eaten by our house), new nipples for our bottles, some sort of baby toy, or some random thing my husband needs. Very rarely do I actually splurge and get myself something lately, which is totally fine, I actually don’t mind this as much as I thought I would.

However, I’m coming to find this quite addictive. All it really takes is a few clicks and BAM, in less than a week I have all sorts of new things being delivered to my front door. There’s almost a high that comes along with ripping into that box from Amazon. I don’t give a shit if it’s just new pacifiers, the main word here is “NEW.” I like new things! There’s shiny and pretty!

I need to start containing my obsession though because my purchases all end up on my credit card. A few purchases of 26.50 a month doesn’t sound like a whole lot at the time but when I up with an 80 dollar credit card bill, I find myself a little pissed off about my new addiction. On the plus side, my credit score has gone way up since having the baby because I put more things on my credit card than ever before!

So, here’s to hoping I can find some other less expensive way to get my high from new shiny things. We’re currently in the process of moving so less and less needs to be getting delivered to my house. But hey, there’s still no harm in browsing the “aisles” of Amazon, right?

The Crappy Advice People Give You

I get so sick and tired of people offering me advice when I don't ask for it.
If I come to you broken down and crying then by all means, offer me advice. Otherwise, I really don’t give a crap what your aunt’s friend’s daughter’s sister-in-law did about her baby’s diaper rash.
And contrary to popular belief…all babies are different! This concept is totally mind blowing to some people. They automatically assume that because this worked for their friend’s aunt’s baby then it just HAS to work for yours. When you tell them you’ve already tried that and it didn’t work, that assume you’re lying. And don't even get me started on the people that tell you must have done something wrong if their technique didn't work.

So here’s some of the gems I’ve heard lately…
1. “Just let him cry, he’ll learn to self soothe!” Except he doesn’t self soothe, instead vomits and then continues crying more. And we share a room, so that one is off the table. This one is my BIGGEST pet peeve because people act like gods when it comes to this method. It annoys me so much, I actually wrote a whole entry dedicated to it. That's how often I hear this one.

2. “If you put a hat on him at night he’ll sleep better.” Or he’ll just over heat and cry. My kid is always hot, the last thing he needs an extra layer on his head.

3. “Take him for a ride around the block when he’s giving you a hard time.” I’ve done this and yes, it works. However, gas is currently right around 3.50 a gallon. I can’t afford to make that a habit for him. So, unless we invest in a Hybrid, my kid will not be soothed by long car rides.

4. “You should really start weaning him from breastfeeding.” Bite me, he’s 7 months old.

5. “Give him juice to help keep him regular.” This DOES work, but unfortunately the people who suggest it to me are not there when the diaper from hell erupts from this method.

6. “Don’t hold him too much, you’ll spoil him.” He’s my first born, he’s going to be spoiled for now. Once baby two comes along I can equally ignore both of them as needed to focus on the other.

7. “Put him to sleep on his stomach.” Are you still in 1980? Things have changed, have you heard of SIDS?

8. "He needs to be eating finger foods by now." Thanks, so when my child chokes on a green bean will you be there to help dislodge it? No? Then, go away and leave me to my purees.

Granted, I know each and every one of these pieces of advice was given with the best intentions but it’s just incredibly frustrating. There have been times I’ll go crying to someone looking for advice, and then I welcome their advice with open arms. It’s the people who just feel the need to constantly give me “new” ideas that just get under my skin. This is the exact reason why I seldom offer advice to anyone about anything. Ever.

I'm Back

I was getting really into this blogging thing when a really shitty family emergency came up.

Everything has more or less been dealt with and we're all trying to get back to "normal" now. For those of you that actually know me, you know what happened and I thank you for your kind words and help these last few weeks.

I've had my rough days, I've had my really bad days, but each day things change a little bit more. I thank "god" that I have my child here with me to help me through this. Without getting to see his smile every day and having my husband by my side I don't know how I'd be getting out of bed every day.

So, that's it! I'm back, and I'll be blogging again here on a regular basis.

Why I’ve Come To Hate The Cry It Out Method

Before I even start, I need to say this…If the cry it out method works for you and your family, that’s great! I do not mean to say that you are a bad parent or that you’re harming your child or anything like that. I’m a firm believer in doing what works best for your situation, and if cry it out is something your baby responds well to, then more power to you! This is just my experience and my take on it for MY family. I am not intending to judge anyone here at all because I don’t live with your babies.

Cry it out (CIO) is one of the oldest methods in the book. Everyone and their brother has used it, swears by it, or hates it. There are very few people who are in the middle; either you hate it or you love it. I’m one of those people that hates it. Mostly because it doesn’t work for my child and yet people still insist on telling me that I need to do with him. These are just a few of the reasons why I want to slap someone every time they say, “Just let him cry.” I've recently been using a method called, "Fuss it out." I find that this works a lot better than the full blown "Cry it out" method. Here's why I prefer FIO over CIO...

1. There is nothing “soothing” about this method. Everyone says it teaches self soothing and it’s good for them. There is NOTHING soothing about a baby screaming for hours on end in the middle of the night.

2. My kid vomits when he cries for more than five minutes. I refuse to make myself have to clean up vomit AND deal with a crying baby at two in the morning.

3. He sleeps three feet away from me. I cannot physically handle listening to him cry for more than a few minutes when he’s that close. I might as well just sit next to his crib and hand him a mega phone to cry into.

4. I know plenty of 18 month olds that still cry every night for hours on end. Obviously this method isn’t working for your child either.

5. I feel like ignoring him is not something I want to do when he’s so young. He has his whole life to learn that people suck, I don’t want to teach him that at 6 months old.

6. He gets more worked up. If I let him cry for a few minutes and then go to him, he’s fine and falls back asleep in a few minutes. When he goes more than a few minutes he gets super pissed and it can take an hour or more to calm him back down.

7. It’s learned helplessness. I just don’t like that, plain and simple.

8. I hate the term “sleep training.” He is my child, not my golden retriever.

9. It gets him all hot and bothered. Literally. He gets really hot when he cries for too long. So now, I have a hot, vomit covered, angry, worked up baby on my hands.

10. It makes me leak. If he cries for more than a few minutes and it’s that really distressed cry I leak all over myself. My boobs just can’t handle it.

When I say “cry” I don’t mean just whimpering and settling down kind of cry, I’m talking about the full-fledged freak out kind of crying.  If he’s just kind of whimpering, I have no problem leaving him there to settle himself down.. Hell, letting him whimper and fuss for a few minutes is the only way he will fall asleep on his own. It’s when it’s that major “I’m going to make your life a living hell if you don’t give me my damn pacifier” kind of crying kicks in that I can’t just leave him there. Maybe one day I’ll be able to cave and do it, but I doubt it.

Mommy Guilt

This is a whole new level of guilt that I was not familiar with prior to having a baby. I never really understood this concept of mom’s having a different guilt-o-meter than the average person, but with my six month old baby around, I’m now learning differently. Anything that you didn’t do 100 percent “correct” according to all the baby books will now cause some level of irreparable harm to your child. And it's all your fault.

Things to feel guilty about…

-You didn’t stop eating dairy food while breastfeeding. There’s some new research out there that babies can’t break down dairy products, so now you’re blaming yourself for his tummy troubles because that MUST be it.

-You didn’t breastfeed, period. Now your baby will be developmentally hindered for the rest of his sad life. He will never be able to function as an adult because you didn’t breastfeed him.

-You went to the bathroom…by yourself…twice. That’s valuable time you could have spent with your child instead of tending to your selfish needs.

-You didn’t buy him the fancy three hundred dollar developmental toy that every baby needs. Now when he’s nine years old and struggling with mathematics, you will assume it’s because he didn’t get the proper toys to help him with developing those skills.

-You were too tired to take him outside for a walk today...or yesterday, and tomorrow's not looking good either. Now he won’t be used to playing outside when he’s older. Good job! Oh and also, he didn’t get enough vitamin D because you didn’t take him out in the sun today.

-You sat your baby in front of the television for 15 minutes while you showered or cooked dinner. His doctor said television time before two years old can cause major stress and developmental problems. It’s all your fault because he watched 15 minutes of the 5 O’clock News while you tried to shower before your husband got home.

-You let him sleep in his car seat, AFTER you read that it’s dangerous for babies to sleep in their car seats. Feel free to use this an excuse to blame yourself for any mood issues that baby has later in the day.

-You let him sleep in the swing, bouncer, boppy pillow, your bed…anywhere but his crib. Now he’ll never learn to sleep in his crib…EVER!

-You let him cry for 45 seconds while you were finishing up dinner. Now your mother-baby bond is ruined, forever.

-You bought store brand diapers…he didn’t get a rash from them and you saved 46 dollars, but you still feel guilty because he deserves the diapers with diamonds on his ass and gold flakes in the powder. Instead, you got the Target brand, they don’t even have a wetness indicator, let alone gold flakes of powder.Oh, the shame!

-You didn’t read to him last night because he was a terror and you were tired.

-You didn’t buy him a new puppy yet. Now when he’s 12 and putting his hamster in the microwave you will know it is your fault because he should have had a puppy before the age of one.

Eventually I’m hoping that these feelings of guilt over the stupidest crap go away, but really, I’m thinking it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. The way my mind works now is just completely different. In the past I hadn’t thought about things even a week ahead of time…now I’m sitting here assuming that my son is going to end up on America’s Most Wanted because I let him watch 20 minutes of television before the age of two. Thanks Mommy Guilt!