(Not So) Subtle Ways You Can Tell We Have A Baby

When looking around my house today it became very clear to me, that even if you didn’t know us, you've never seen us, you've never spoken with us...you would know we have a baby. I’m not talking about all of the baby crap laying around here, god knows our house looks like Babies R Us threw up all over the place. Obviously, the high chair is a dead give away as soon as you walk in our kitchen, but that’s not quite what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the more subtle things that are just a constant reminder that life with an infant has changed many things for all of us in the house.

1. There’s milk in our beer glasses. Prior to baby we used to use the beer glass for beer, now I can’t remember the last time we had a beer from our fancy beer glasses. Last night we did enjoy some nice cold milk though!

2. The half empty cups of coffee. I never get to finish a whole cup of coffee, so by mid-morning, there’s usually at least one half drunk cup of coffee sitting on the counter.

3. The untouched magazines. My husband and myself both used to read magazines, now we’re lucky if they even get glanced at before being recycled in six months.

4. The piles upon piles of laundry. How the hell is it possible that one little person has the capability to create such massive amounts of laundry? I'll tell you how: spit up, vomit and blowing raspberries while eating purees.

5. The unused condoms. Let’s face it, no one’s getting any lately. We’re both too damn tired.

6. The calendar that’s still on October when it’s clearly February. Who the hell gives a shit what day it is anymore? When you’re a stay at home mom all the days and weeks just melt together. Is it Monday? I don’t know. Does it matter? Nope.

7. The disgruntled dog. She used to be a happy go lucky dog, but now like the rest of us, the lack of sleep has gotten to her.

All in all, having a baby is the best damn thing ever. But anyone who tells you bull shit like, “Having a baby only changes your life as much as you let it,” is a liar. Things change, even things you wouldn’t think about change on a monumental level. So, even if you took all the baby crap out of my house you would be able to tell that we either have a baby, I’m a really crappy housewife, or a combination of the two is going on here.