New Mom Super Powers

When you have a baby there’s all these new things to contend with. New sleep schedule, new post-pregnancy body, new baby (duh), new perspective on the world. All of these things I was pretty much expecting. However, there were just a few new “abilities” that I gained as a new mom that wasn’t exactly planning on. Here’s just a few…

1. You can hold your pee (and other bodily functions) for a really long time. It’s amazing how everyone else’s needs begin to override even your most basic bodily functions. So, go for it, book that car trip from California to Jersey, because you’ll only need to pee maybe three times the whole way there…and back. However, you will now leak pee when you sneeze or laugh too hard.

2. You can go a ridiculously long time without eating anything. I don’t condone this or recommend this but even my fat ass has realized that I can go a whole day without eating from time to time because I’m just too damn busy to sit down and eat. And before you go thinking that this will help you lose weight, it doesn’t. You make up for it by inhaling a whole bag of cookies when you have 6 minutes to yourself.

3. You can function with very few hours of sleep. I had no idea that 2-4 hours of sleep was enough to function like a semi-normal person most days. However, you find yourself being able to do even the most complex tasks after sleeping less than four hours the night before.

4. You can put together a random dinner with less than 15 minutes worth of planning. You’ll look at the clock and realize your husband will be home in a half hour…all that’s in the house is bread, rice and coffee creamer. I’ll be damned, but you’ll make something out of it. And your husband is so scared of saying the wrong thing these days, he won’t complain at all…he knows better now.

5. You will be able to hear anything. I mean anything. You’ll be able to hear your kid sigh from his upstairs bedroom when you’re in the basement…with headphones on. And the same goes for when he’s sleeping…you will hear your neighbor (two houses away) drop a fork in their kitchen and you will have to refrain from calling the police to complain about the noise disturbance going on because you JUST got your baby to sleep.

6. You learn that you have ninja skills. You can move throughout your house without making a single noise. You can pack lunches in total silence, empty the dishwasher without ever making single “clank” noise, all in the vain attempt to not disturb your ticking time bomb.

7. You can carry anything. Car seat, baby, diaper bag, two gallons of milk, two bags of canned goods, some dog food, other groceries and a cup of coffee are no challenge for you now. Hell, you even stop and grab the mail while you’re carrying that load.

There’s many, many more that I can think of. This is surely a part one. I’m also finding that these skill sets are changing with my baby. I’m learning all sorts of new skills and super powers as the days go on to match my baby’s super needs. I’ve also learned that my husband is gaining a whole new set of dad “skills” that I didn’t even know existed.