"Funny" Crap I've Heard About Babies

I've spent some time with some pretty clueless folks. Most of these lovely statements came from those who don't have children.

"He's almost 6 months old...he'll be talking soon. The crying phase is almost over, right?"
Not quite...the crying phase can last well into the teenage years from what I've seen so far.

"When we have a baby, it's never going to sleep anywhere but the crib."
Excuse me, while I die of laughter. I promise, I won't remind you of this statement when you're tip toeing around your living room because your baby (finally!) fell asleep in the bouncer after 3 hours of crying in the crib.

"I'm going to make sure my baby never has any unhealthy foods."
Then you have to be sure to never, ever leave the baby alone with a grandparent. I've learned that one the hard way.

"Your baby eats solids now, you don't need to breastfeed anymore, right?"
Uhm, no. Shockingly enough, the six pieces of banana he managed to get into mouth (and/or nose) during lunch does not replace the nutritional value of breast milk.

"Can't you just go out while the baby is sleeping? He can sleep in his car seat while you're out."
This only works for a few months. Then you just end up with an overly tired and pissed off baby screaming in their car seat at whatever store you just HAD to go to during nap time.

"I think I'll just sleep while my baby sleeps during the day to catch up on sleep."
HA! That's one of the oldest lies in the book. If you do that you'll never have clean clothes, dishes or food to eat. Occasionally you can get away with that but don't expect that on a daily basis if you'd like your home to remain habitable.

"I'm going to have a natural birth.That's what our bodies were meant for, how bad could it be?"
I did a natural labor...and natural pushing. I'm pretty sure I have all the right female parts, but somehow he was born via c-section. I hate to burst your little fantasy but not all births can go as planned....and it really IS that bad.

That's just a few little gems I've heard in the past few months. I keep hearing these hilarious tidbits from people who just simply don't get it. For now, I bite my tongue and nod.