My husband and I have recently decided to start the lovely process of house hunting. Before we got married and before our son was in the picture, our 900 square foot rental home was ideal. It has two bathrooms, two bedrooms and a huge detached two-car garage. Perfect! We had the one bedroom as our master bedroom and then the other was downstairs and worked perfectly as a little office/craft area for myself. Certain people in our family seem to think that we should just stay here. They fail to see anything wrong with our current dwelling and think it’s a great place for the price. Let me tell you all the reasons why they are WRONG.
Remember that second bedroom that used to be my office area? Well that bedroom has become the place to store everything for the baby. We keep his clothes, his diapers, his toys, his pacifiers, his butt creams, his first aid kid…everything except for him. He stays upstairs in the master bedroom…two feet from my side of the bed. Why can’t he stay in this perfectly good room with all of his other possessions?
Well, there’s another issue with our house. It’s not in the best neighborhood. No, it’s not a terrible neighborhood, but in the past few months we’ve had issues with an empty house next door to us. In the past few months homeless people have been hanging around there, stealing various items from the abandoned dumpster. As much as I love feeling all culturally diverse, this is not what I had in mind when I thought of what my neighbors would be life. In addition to the homeless folk, we also came to find out that a wanted criminal was hiding out there. We found this out when 10 police cars showed up and began raiding the house. What a lovely thing to find out…the house that practically shares a driveway with us was housing a wanted criminal. With all of that being said, we’re not fond of leaving our one and only child unattended downstairs while we’re all snug and cozy one floor up.
We get a lot of flack for these because everyone else in our family seems to think these are not good enough reasons for him to be in our room. Well, let me throw out a few other reasons for them. Our house was built in 1890, so the upstairs master suite was an addition. In adding this room on someone messed up the calculations for our staircase. This resulted in the steps being ridiculously narrow and getting more and more narrow the closer you get to the bottom. Our last step is barely wide enough to place your foot on when going up or down.
Let’s picture this scenario…our son wakes up at three in the morning. I’m in a total daze because it’s three in the morning. I go down the stairs and there’s most likely a 75 percent chance that my ungraceful fat ass will fall because I can barely navigate those stairs when it’s three in the afternoon and I’m fairly alert. Then let’s say we decide to bring him upstairs, do you really want me taking the chance of falling while carrying our ginormous six month old up our 200 year old stairs? So obviously, the bedroom set up is not ideal for that of a family with a small child.
My next issue is the garage. It worked perfectly before. Having a detached garage was something I never really thought much about before. Fast forward to winter with a six month old…I hate it. No, no, I loathe it. I find myself leaving my car out of the garage a lot these days because it’s just that much closer to the house that way. I’ve yet to figure out what the “proper” order is for bringing in the groceries and the baby. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to bring him in the house first and then leave him unattended while I go get the groceries from my car or if I’m supposed to leave him unattended in the cold car while I bring the groceries in the house. So, what’s my grand solution? I just bring in both the baby AND the groceries at the same time.
Yes, I do feel like Super Woman some days. While my garage isn’t extremely far from the house it might as well be a 5 mile up hill trek when I’m carrying the baby, the groceries, diaper bag and the keys. And did I mention that there are four stairs leading up to our door? That makes it all the more fun
.
My other issue is closet space. Evidently people in the 1890’s didn’t have that much stuff. Well, in 2013 with an infant, we have a ton of stuff. However, our house has the crappiest, smallest closets ever. There is ONE normal closet in our house, and that’s in the baby’s room. This closet is mine, for all my clothes, but it also serves as storage for just about anything else of mine that doesn’t quite have a home. Jewelry? Put in the closet. Baby bibs? Put em in the closet. Stuff that’s supposed to go to Good Will but will never make it there? Put it in the closet. Oh and did I mention that this closet does not have a door?
Our second closet is the “coat” closet. This closet got turned into a closet with a ton of shelves when baby came. Right now in this closet are the following items: Extra diapers, baby wipes, humidifier, Wii fit board, wine from our wedding, extra blankets, baby bath time items, fine china from our wedding, the extras for the Wii, some random baby clothes, my breast pumps, extra baby bottles…the list goes on and on. It’s a total mess. And did I mention that this closet also does not have a door? And this closet is in plain sight from our living room, so anyone that comes over and sits in our living room gets to see the cluster fuck of a mess that is our “coat” closet.
The third closet, is my husband’s closet. It holds approximately 30 shirts on hangers and that’s about it. It’s also only 3 feet tall, so when he wants something out of there he has to bend over to search for it. This is the only closet with doors. However, only one door actually closes. Having a 3 foot tall closet is less than ideal for my 6 foot husband.
So, the next time a relative asks me why we need to move so badly, I will simply answer with: “It’s just not enough space for us right now.” If I actually explained all of these things to them, they would come with a reason why I’m wrong for every single thing I’ve said. I can’t mentally handle that…if you really think we just need to organize better, than be my guest and get your ass over here and show me how. Personally, I don’t even know where the hell I would put this crap while I’m in the process of organizing it.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
The Battle
This nighttime battle. All moms know about it. It begins about two hours before bedtime. You try and keep things calm, cool, relaxed. You want baby to mellow out in hopes that in just a few hours baby will be off to slumber land. I’ve noticed in the past few weeks that my attempts at this “calm” evening ritual ends up being a total joke. Here’s a list of what’s happened during my evening “calm” time in the past few weeks.
-Baby gets super excited and decides to scream happy screams over and over…did someone slip him an energy drink?
-Dad comes home and gets baby all revved up…oh yes, Dad’s energy drink.
-Family members decide to call your phone repeatedly…if you put it on vibrate they assume something bad has happened, so they continue to call until you answer or threaten to call the cops to come check on you.
-The dog goes into hyper alert mode and barks at every single leaf that goes blowing by the house. Where is this vigilance when The Jehovah’s Witnesses are going door to door and she’s licking herself on the couch?
-Relatives decide that now is a good time t.o drop by and get the baby all jacked up by egging on his laughing, screaming and playfulness
-Neighbors’ children run up and down the street screaming and playing…I’ll remember this when he’s older and vow to not do the same thing
-Dad watches a football (or any other sport) game that requires him to yell, hoot and cheer anytime something good or bad happens. Nothing calms a baby down like random over the top screaming at the television
And then the end result is that baby takes an extra hour and a half falling asleep because we failed at the “wind down” part of our routine. So, instead of getting two hours worth of alone with my husband at the end of the night, we typically end up with somewhere around 15-30 minutes before we’re both dead tired and need to go pass out before baby awakens in just an hour or two.
-Baby gets super excited and decides to scream happy screams over and over…did someone slip him an energy drink?
-Dad comes home and gets baby all revved up…oh yes, Dad’s energy drink.
-Family members decide to call your phone repeatedly…if you put it on vibrate they assume something bad has happened, so they continue to call until you answer or threaten to call the cops to come check on you.
-The dog goes into hyper alert mode and barks at every single leaf that goes blowing by the house. Where is this vigilance when The Jehovah’s Witnesses are going door to door and she’s licking herself on the couch?
-Relatives decide that now is a good time t.o drop by and get the baby all jacked up by egging on his laughing, screaming and playfulness
-Neighbors’ children run up and down the street screaming and playing…I’ll remember this when he’s older and vow to not do the same thing
-Dad watches a football (or any other sport) game that requires him to yell, hoot and cheer anytime something good or bad happens. Nothing calms a baby down like random over the top screaming at the television
And then the end result is that baby takes an extra hour and a half falling asleep because we failed at the “wind down” part of our routine. So, instead of getting two hours worth of alone with my husband at the end of the night, we typically end up with somewhere around 15-30 minutes before we’re both dead tired and need to go pass out before baby awakens in just an hour or two.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
New Mom Super Powers
When you have a baby there’s all these new things to contend with. New sleep schedule, new post-pregnancy body, new baby (duh), new perspective on the world. All of these things I was pretty much expecting. However, there were just a few new “abilities” that I gained as a new mom that wasn’t exactly planning on. Here’s just a few…
1. You can hold your pee (and other bodily functions) for a really long time. It’s amazing how everyone else’s needs begin to override even your most basic bodily functions. So, go for it, book that car trip from California to Jersey, because you’ll only need to pee maybe three times the whole way there…and back. However, you will now leak pee when you sneeze or laugh too hard.
2. You can go a ridiculously long time without eating anything. I don’t condone this or recommend this but even my fat ass has realized that I can go a whole day without eating from time to time because I’m just too damn busy to sit down and eat. And before you go thinking that this will help you lose weight, it doesn’t. You make up for it by inhaling a whole bag of cookies when you have 6 minutes to yourself.
3. You can function with very few hours of sleep. I had no idea that 2-4 hours of sleep was enough to function like a semi-normal person most days. However, you find yourself being able to do even the most complex tasks after sleeping less than four hours the night before.
4. You can put together a random dinner with less than 15 minutes worth of planning. You’ll look at the clock and realize your husband will be home in a half hour…all that’s in the house is bread, rice and coffee creamer. I’ll be damned, but you’ll make something out of it. And your husband is so scared of saying the wrong thing these days, he won’t complain at all…he knows better now.
5. You will be able to hear anything. I mean anything. You’ll be able to hear your kid sigh from his upstairs bedroom when you’re in the basement…with headphones on. And the same goes for when he’s sleeping…you will hear your neighbor (two houses away) drop a fork in their kitchen and you will have to refrain from calling the police to complain about the noise disturbance going on because you JUST got your baby to sleep.
6. You learn that you have ninja skills. You can move throughout your house without making a single noise. You can pack lunches in total silence, empty the dishwasher without ever making single “clank” noise, all in the vain attempt to not disturb your ticking time bomb.
7. You can carry anything. Car seat, baby, diaper bag, two gallons of milk, two bags of canned goods, some dog food, other groceries and a cup of coffee are no challenge for you now. Hell, you even stop and grab the mail while you’re carrying that load.
There’s many, many more that I can think of. This is surely a part one. I’m also finding that these skill sets are changing with my baby. I’m learning all sorts of new skills and super powers as the days go on to match my baby’s super needs. I’ve also learned that my husband is gaining a whole new set of dad “skills” that I didn’t even know existed.
1. You can hold your pee (and other bodily functions) for a really long time. It’s amazing how everyone else’s needs begin to override even your most basic bodily functions. So, go for it, book that car trip from California to Jersey, because you’ll only need to pee maybe three times the whole way there…and back. However, you will now leak pee when you sneeze or laugh too hard.
2. You can go a ridiculously long time without eating anything. I don’t condone this or recommend this but even my fat ass has realized that I can go a whole day without eating from time to time because I’m just too damn busy to sit down and eat. And before you go thinking that this will help you lose weight, it doesn’t. You make up for it by inhaling a whole bag of cookies when you have 6 minutes to yourself.
3. You can function with very few hours of sleep. I had no idea that 2-4 hours of sleep was enough to function like a semi-normal person most days. However, you find yourself being able to do even the most complex tasks after sleeping less than four hours the night before.
4. You can put together a random dinner with less than 15 minutes worth of planning. You’ll look at the clock and realize your husband will be home in a half hour…all that’s in the house is bread, rice and coffee creamer. I’ll be damned, but you’ll make something out of it. And your husband is so scared of saying the wrong thing these days, he won’t complain at all…he knows better now.
5. You will be able to hear anything. I mean anything. You’ll be able to hear your kid sigh from his upstairs bedroom when you’re in the basement…with headphones on. And the same goes for when he’s sleeping…you will hear your neighbor (two houses away) drop a fork in their kitchen and you will have to refrain from calling the police to complain about the noise disturbance going on because you JUST got your baby to sleep.
6. You learn that you have ninja skills. You can move throughout your house without making a single noise. You can pack lunches in total silence, empty the dishwasher without ever making single “clank” noise, all in the vain attempt to not disturb your ticking time bomb.
7. You can carry anything. Car seat, baby, diaper bag, two gallons of milk, two bags of canned goods, some dog food, other groceries and a cup of coffee are no challenge for you now. Hell, you even stop and grab the mail while you’re carrying that load.
There’s many, many more that I can think of. This is surely a part one. I’m also finding that these skill sets are changing with my baby. I’m learning all sorts of new skills and super powers as the days go on to match my baby’s super needs. I’ve also learned that my husband is gaining a whole new set of dad “skills” that I didn’t even know existed.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Lies People Will Tell You About Their Babies
I’ve come to the conclusion that people just flat out lie when it comes to their babies. I really think that they just make shit up as they go along, or worse they plan it out before they lie about it. Some of these moms just tell you stories that more elaborate and fake than The Twilight Series. In the beginning I would question their lies, but now I’ve learned to just go along with it. I think we all know their lies are total bull shit but it helps them sleep better thinking someone believes them. And who knows, maybe they're just practicing their fiction story-telling skills.
“Labor wasn’t that bad! Really!” Yes, it was. You’re either in denial, lying, or had better drugs than I did. No matter how you look at it, it SUCKED.
“My life really hasn’t changed that much. I was so surprised.” Bull shit. Tell me that your life hasn’t changed but yet I notice that you haven’t brushed your teeth or hair yet today and it’s 6 pm…so either, this is normal behavior (in which case, carry on your stank self) or you’re lying.
“She slept through the night at 3 weeks old!” I don’t know who you think you’re selling that horse shit to, but I ain’t buying it today!
“He’s never spit up on me. He just doesn’t do that very often.” Uh-huh. Sure. So that smell I’m smelling…is that the new “Baby Puke” perfume that Dior just put out?
“He takes three naps a day! In his crib! Without crying! Ever!” This one goes right up there with sleeping 12 hours. I think you are either lying, or you just put your kid in the crib, close the door and walk away and refuse to acknowledge their cries.
“I shower every single day!” Then why do you smell like me?
“His poop doesn’t really smell!” Okay, some babies have smellier poop than others, but really, it all smells. And no, it does not smell like freshly baked cinnamon buns.
“We’ve had a strict schedule since day one.” No, you haven’t. You’d like think you did, but in all reality, you’re just like the rest of sad slobs running around like a dip shit trying to prevent the house from burning down while you’re cooking dinner AND changing diapers.
At first these things used to make me feel bad when I would hear them. I felt like I wasn’t up to snuff with other moms because everything they were telling me was the exact opposite of what I was going through. Then, ever so slowly, I started picking up on holes in their stories, or I would hear contradicting tales from other family members. That’s when I figured it out…they’re all lying. So in turn, I’ve started lying to them about my kid too. “Yep! He sleep 10 hours a night, only eats three times a day, his poop smells like raspberry soufflé and I still have time to scrap book for 2 hours a day!” Sure. Okay.
“Labor wasn’t that bad! Really!” Yes, it was. You’re either in denial, lying, or had better drugs than I did. No matter how you look at it, it SUCKED.
“My life really hasn’t changed that much. I was so surprised.” Bull shit. Tell me that your life hasn’t changed but yet I notice that you haven’t brushed your teeth or hair yet today and it’s 6 pm…so either, this is normal behavior (in which case, carry on your stank self) or you’re lying.
“She slept through the night at 3 weeks old!” I don’t know who you think you’re selling that horse shit to, but I ain’t buying it today!
“He’s never spit up on me. He just doesn’t do that very often.” Uh-huh. Sure. So that smell I’m smelling…is that the new “Baby Puke” perfume that Dior just put out?
“He takes three naps a day! In his crib! Without crying! Ever!” This one goes right up there with sleeping 12 hours. I think you are either lying, or you just put your kid in the crib, close the door and walk away and refuse to acknowledge their cries.
“I shower every single day!” Then why do you smell like me?
“His poop doesn’t really smell!” Okay, some babies have smellier poop than others, but really, it all smells. And no, it does not smell like freshly baked cinnamon buns.
“We’ve had a strict schedule since day one.” No, you haven’t. You’d like think you did, but in all reality, you’re just like the rest of sad slobs running around like a dip shit trying to prevent the house from burning down while you’re cooking dinner AND changing diapers.
At first these things used to make me feel bad when I would hear them. I felt like I wasn’t up to snuff with other moms because everything they were telling me was the exact opposite of what I was going through. Then, ever so slowly, I started picking up on holes in their stories, or I would hear contradicting tales from other family members. That’s when I figured it out…they’re all lying. So in turn, I’ve started lying to them about my kid too. “Yep! He sleep 10 hours a night, only eats three times a day, his poop smells like raspberry soufflé and I still have time to scrap book for 2 hours a day!” Sure. Okay.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
The Sad Dog
My poor dog. I feel so bad for her these days. For almost 5 years she was the baby until our son came along. She was the top priority every morning. We couldn’t start our day until she had gone outside and gotten breakfast. She went on just about every car ride with us, slept in our bed and enjoyed many walks.
Now that’s all over for her. She’s by no means neglected, neglected dogs are not overweight and self-entitled. She’s just merely moved down a rung on the ladder. She’s lucky if she gets her breakfast before noon, or goes on a car ride once a week these days. Hell, I’m lucky if I get MY breakfast before noon or get to go on a car ride once a week, so don’t feel too bad for her.
Unfortunately I can see things progressively getting worse for her. Our son has recently learned to grab at things. He grabs at anything within arms reach; toys, hair, noses, mirrors, literally anything. He also has a love for watching our dog…anything she does he loves to watch her and laugh at her. Couple those two skills together and I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before our dog becomes the target of his grabbing.
Today while both of them were sitting on my lap my son reached over and started rubbing his hands all over the dog’s back. She merely sat there in total fear. I watched her face go from concerned, to worried to complete downright fear in about 10 seconds. She acted as if his hands were searing hot pokers. The look on her face was one you’d expect to see on a cat’s face in a Chinese restaurant. Eventually she just got off my lap and ran to her bed for cover.
I feel awful saying this, but somehow we’re going to have to break it to her, that this will only get worse. Eventually he’s going to start moving, which means not only will he be able to grab at her, he will also be able to follow her and chase her around. And while I have no intention of letting him do anything to harm her, I’m certainly not going to discourage him from interacting with her.
She’s slowly learning that he is not going anywhere but I’m not too sure how readily she will accept the fact that he will be able to touch her, her toys and heaven forbid, her food. I think she’s still holding out hope that one day he’ll go live with Grandma and Grandpa and that we’ll back to the three of us again. I’m guessing that just as she comes to accept his role in the family baby number 2 will come along and she will go through another state of shock as we all move down one more rung on the family ladder.
Now that’s all over for her. She’s by no means neglected, neglected dogs are not overweight and self-entitled. She’s just merely moved down a rung on the ladder. She’s lucky if she gets her breakfast before noon, or goes on a car ride once a week these days. Hell, I’m lucky if I get MY breakfast before noon or get to go on a car ride once a week, so don’t feel too bad for her.
Unfortunately I can see things progressively getting worse for her. Our son has recently learned to grab at things. He grabs at anything within arms reach; toys, hair, noses, mirrors, literally anything. He also has a love for watching our dog…anything she does he loves to watch her and laugh at her. Couple those two skills together and I’m afraid it’s only a matter of time before our dog becomes the target of his grabbing.
Today while both of them were sitting on my lap my son reached over and started rubbing his hands all over the dog’s back. She merely sat there in total fear. I watched her face go from concerned, to worried to complete downright fear in about 10 seconds. She acted as if his hands were searing hot pokers. The look on her face was one you’d expect to see on a cat’s face in a Chinese restaurant. Eventually she just got off my lap and ran to her bed for cover.
I feel awful saying this, but somehow we’re going to have to break it to her, that this will only get worse. Eventually he’s going to start moving, which means not only will he be able to grab at her, he will also be able to follow her and chase her around. And while I have no intention of letting him do anything to harm her, I’m certainly not going to discourage him from interacting with her.
She’s slowly learning that he is not going anywhere but I’m not too sure how readily she will accept the fact that he will be able to touch her, her toys and heaven forbid, her food. I think she’s still holding out hope that one day he’ll go live with Grandma and Grandpa and that we’ll back to the three of us again. I’m guessing that just as she comes to accept his role in the family baby number 2 will come along and she will go through another state of shock as we all move down one more rung on the family ladder.
Monday, January 21, 2013
5 Things You Take For Granted Before Baby (Part 1)
Before I even write this, I have to say, being a mother has seriously been the most rewarding thing I have ever done. I love it, I love every messy diaper, every melt down, every spit up….and I’m being serious. Why? Because in exchange for every messy diaper or melt down is a smile, laugh, or coo that just melts my heart. This really is the best time I have had in my life. However, I find that I need to laugh at my stressful moments and take nothing too seriously.
All that being said, there are still some things that I didn’t realize how much I took them for granted before having my son. Really, just some small things that really make me scratch my head and wonder what the hell I used to do with all of my time.
1. Sleep
This one is a given. No new mom sleeps. Unless you’re one of those rare few that gets a baby that just loves to sleep, otherwise you’re just like the rest of caffeine addicted moms with mismatched socks and a backwards shirt on. And the moms who say "My baby sleeps 18 hours a night and he's only 6 weeks old," they're lying...or they're just ignoring their kids. Don't let them make you feel bad.
2. Lunch Breaks
You no idea how much you would come to miss that 30 minute window where all you were supposed to do was eat…there was no other obligation. It amazes me now how hard it is to sit down and actually eat a full meal...or maybe I should say a "full HOT meal."
3. Showers
It’s not to say you won’t ever get to shower; it’s just that the duration and frequency of your showers will be greatly changed post baby. You find yourself not remembering the last time you showered and the one day your husband will *gently* suggest that you take a shower while he watches the baby. Then you'll realize it's been about four days or so.
4. Leaving The House
Read my previous post about the grocery store. Leaving the house is never the same.
5. “Real” Clothes
You won’t be able to pin point when this exactly, but as most stay at home moms will tell you, there is a point when getting dressed means changing into a CLEAN pair of sweat pants. You'll feel dressed up when you put on jeans instead of sweat pants and find yourself jealous that your husband has a reason to put on dress shoes in the morning.
I should make number 6, "writing a full blog post," because this originally started out as 10 things you take for granted but baby is demanding my attention right this moment. He seems to have been full recharged from this 17 minute nap. Part two...and three and four...will follow in the near future.
All that being said, there are still some things that I didn’t realize how much I took them for granted before having my son. Really, just some small things that really make me scratch my head and wonder what the hell I used to do with all of my time.
1. Sleep
This one is a given. No new mom sleeps. Unless you’re one of those rare few that gets a baby that just loves to sleep, otherwise you’re just like the rest of caffeine addicted moms with mismatched socks and a backwards shirt on. And the moms who say "My baby sleeps 18 hours a night and he's only 6 weeks old," they're lying...or they're just ignoring their kids. Don't let them make you feel bad.
2. Lunch Breaks
You no idea how much you would come to miss that 30 minute window where all you were supposed to do was eat…there was no other obligation. It amazes me now how hard it is to sit down and actually eat a full meal...or maybe I should say a "full HOT meal."
3. Showers
It’s not to say you won’t ever get to shower; it’s just that the duration and frequency of your showers will be greatly changed post baby. You find yourself not remembering the last time you showered and the one day your husband will *gently* suggest that you take a shower while he watches the baby. Then you'll realize it's been about four days or so.
4. Leaving The House
Read my previous post about the grocery store. Leaving the house is never the same.
5. “Real” Clothes
You won’t be able to pin point when this exactly, but as most stay at home moms will tell you, there is a point when getting dressed means changing into a CLEAN pair of sweat pants. You'll feel dressed up when you put on jeans instead of sweat pants and find yourself jealous that your husband has a reason to put on dress shoes in the morning.
I should make number 6, "writing a full blog post," because this originally started out as 10 things you take for granted but baby is demanding my attention right this moment. He seems to have been full recharged from this 17 minute nap. Part two...and three and four...will follow in the near future.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
The Grocery Store: Before and After Baby
During my last visit to the grocery store my five month old decided to vomit breast milk all over the front his shirt and mine. Normally, having vomit on myself would be cause to stop what I was doing and go home, however, I merely wiped us both off (more was on me than him) and kept on going because really, dinner wasn’t going to prepare itself that night. That’s when I realized how different a trip to the grocery store is before and after baby. Every mom knows and understands the battle that is grocery shopping.
Before you leave the house…
Before Baby: Check over your list. Gather coupons. Check the fridge to be sure there is nothing on the list you missed. Look in the mirror to ensure you don’t look too bad. Ready to roll.
After Baby: Make sure baby is changed and fed as soon as physically possible before leaving the house…if it was possible you would feed him as you’re walking to the car in order to postpone an “I’m Hungry” freak out in the store. Hope and pray that the diaper bag has at least the bare essentials. Run to the car and get the hell out of there while baby is calm in hopes of him falling asleep on the car ride there. Mirror? You didn’t look in it, but you think you showered a few days ago, so you can’t look too bad.
When you get to the store…
Before Baby: Pull your list out of your wallet, look it over one last time. Throw your purse over your shoulder and briskly walk into the store.
After Baby: Search frantically for your list, and then you remember, what list? You didn’t have time to make a list. See that baby is still awake in the backseat. Get baby out of the car seat and finagle him into his baby carrier while he’s pulling on your hair and kicking off his socks. Give baby a pacifier and cross your fingers that he won’t drop it until you’re at least in the store.
The actual shopping…
Before Baby: Leisurely stroll up and down the aisles, getting items you need and checking them off of your list one at a time. You compare prices versus quantity even pulling your phone out on occasion to see which product gives you more bang for your buck.
After Baby: Skip the aisles that you don’t think you need anything from…you’ll remember something that you needed right as the cashier tells you the total. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth. Throw things in the cart that might be good for dinner. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth. If it says it’s on sale, it must be a good deal, get two or three. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth.
The cashier…
Before Baby: Put your items on the belt according to where they go in the house. All of the cold items stay together, breads stay together, make sure you keep things organized. Have your wallet and payment method all ready to roll when the cashier tells you the total.
After Baby: Grab things frantically from the cart and throw them on the belt wherever they will fit because baby is on the verge of a melt down. When the cashier tells you the total you then remember that you need to pay for these things. You begin the search through the diaper bag, hoping and praying that your wallet made it in the bag while the cashier rolls her eyes because she’s due for a lunch break.
Getting everything into the house…
Before Baby: Grab two or three bags at a time, make multiple trips as needed.
After Baby: Throw diaper bag over one shoulder, get the car seat out and put that in one arm. With your other arm, grab as many bags as humanly possible…even if it breaks your arm, you are NOT making a second trip out here. THINK you have all of the bags and run up to the house as quickly as possible before your left arm falls off or loses all circulation.
Putting the groceries away…
Before Baby: Take your time, rearrange cabinets or the fridge if needed. Put the older items up front and new stuff in the back.
After Baby: Shove things wherever they will go because you have about 45 seconds until baby freaks out and NEEDS to eat right then and there. If there’s something cold in the bag, don’t even bother unpacking the bag, just put the whole bag in the fridge. Later the next day when you’re looking for your milk you’ll remember it’s still in the car…and it is August, so now your car smells like spoiled milk, and you have no milk for your husband’s cereal.
I’ve currently come to realize that I don’t need to make every single trip to the store stressful for myself but once baby starts freaking out, I have no other options. Five months after having baby I’ve finally figured out some good ways to manage the fun battle of grocery shopping that doesn’t leave me pulling my hair out, but it took awhile and lots of trial and error to get here. So when you’re 8 months pregnant and you see that lady who hasn’t showered in a few days and has a screaming baby in the milk aisle, don’t roll your eyes because that WILL be you in a few weeks.
Before you leave the house…
Before Baby: Check over your list. Gather coupons. Check the fridge to be sure there is nothing on the list you missed. Look in the mirror to ensure you don’t look too bad. Ready to roll.
After Baby: Make sure baby is changed and fed as soon as physically possible before leaving the house…if it was possible you would feed him as you’re walking to the car in order to postpone an “I’m Hungry” freak out in the store. Hope and pray that the diaper bag has at least the bare essentials. Run to the car and get the hell out of there while baby is calm in hopes of him falling asleep on the car ride there. Mirror? You didn’t look in it, but you think you showered a few days ago, so you can’t look too bad.
When you get to the store…
Before Baby: Pull your list out of your wallet, look it over one last time. Throw your purse over your shoulder and briskly walk into the store.
After Baby: Search frantically for your list, and then you remember, what list? You didn’t have time to make a list. See that baby is still awake in the backseat. Get baby out of the car seat and finagle him into his baby carrier while he’s pulling on your hair and kicking off his socks. Give baby a pacifier and cross your fingers that he won’t drop it until you’re at least in the store.
The actual shopping…
Before Baby: Leisurely stroll up and down the aisles, getting items you need and checking them off of your list one at a time. You compare prices versus quantity even pulling your phone out on occasion to see which product gives you more bang for your buck.
After Baby: Skip the aisles that you don’t think you need anything from…you’ll remember something that you needed right as the cashier tells you the total. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth. Throw things in the cart that might be good for dinner. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth. If it says it’s on sale, it must be a good deal, get two or three. Put pacifier back in baby’s mouth.
The cashier…
Before Baby: Put your items on the belt according to where they go in the house. All of the cold items stay together, breads stay together, make sure you keep things organized. Have your wallet and payment method all ready to roll when the cashier tells you the total.
After Baby: Grab things frantically from the cart and throw them on the belt wherever they will fit because baby is on the verge of a melt down. When the cashier tells you the total you then remember that you need to pay for these things. You begin the search through the diaper bag, hoping and praying that your wallet made it in the bag while the cashier rolls her eyes because she’s due for a lunch break.
Getting everything into the house…
Before Baby: Grab two or three bags at a time, make multiple trips as needed.
After Baby: Throw diaper bag over one shoulder, get the car seat out and put that in one arm. With your other arm, grab as many bags as humanly possible…even if it breaks your arm, you are NOT making a second trip out here. THINK you have all of the bags and run up to the house as quickly as possible before your left arm falls off or loses all circulation.
Putting the groceries away…
Before Baby: Take your time, rearrange cabinets or the fridge if needed. Put the older items up front and new stuff in the back.
After Baby: Shove things wherever they will go because you have about 45 seconds until baby freaks out and NEEDS to eat right then and there. If there’s something cold in the bag, don’t even bother unpacking the bag, just put the whole bag in the fridge. Later the next day when you’re looking for your milk you’ll remember it’s still in the car…and it is August, so now your car smells like spoiled milk, and you have no milk for your husband’s cereal.
I’ve currently come to realize that I don’t need to make every single trip to the store stressful for myself but once baby starts freaking out, I have no other options. Five months after having baby I’ve finally figured out some good ways to manage the fun battle of grocery shopping that doesn’t leave me pulling my hair out, but it took awhile and lots of trial and error to get here. So when you’re 8 months pregnant and you see that lady who hasn’t showered in a few days and has a screaming baby in the milk aisle, don’t roll your eyes because that WILL be you in a few weeks.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Crunchy
I recently heard the term “crunchy” when referring to mothers or parenting styles. I honestly had no idea what this meant and decided to look it up. I found out that it means natural, hippie, granola…things of that sort. I hadn’t really given much thought to it, I definitely hadn't thought about it applying to me as a mother. I had visions in my head of this applying to those moms who won’t drive a car because it’s bad for the environment, or the moms who make their own clothes and wear flowers in their hair…so not me at all.
And then I slapped with reality…as I have been so many times in the past 5 months since having my son. I was at Target, wearing my 5 month old son in his baby carrier and someone engaged me in conversation. Wearing him something I do on a regular basis when out in public because I can’t figure out any other way to do anything in public without wearing him. The lady approached me with a warm, oh so condescending, smile. When she asked about the carrier I told her that I just found it easier to wear him than try to carry him in the car seat around the store. The lady smiled, nodded her head, said, "How crunchy of you," rolled her eyes and walked away from me.
I was rather shocked. I never really thought of the things I did for my baby as being "crunchy". Then I did some more research into it...it turns out I am rather crunchy. Not, clothes making crunchy, but crunchy nonetheless. However, I think many, many people are failing to see the upsides (and superficial sides) of being crunchy. So here's an honest to god truth about two of these so called "crunchy" behaviors.
Babywearing
For those of you not familiar with this concept, this is when a mom or dad will wear their baby in a specially made carrier or sling. Some of them are backpack types, some of them are pieces of fabric that are wrapped a special way, others are simple slings that can be adjusted according to baby's needs.
We used to use one that was a long piece of fabric and I would wrap myself and my son in. I really loved it, my son really loved it. And then he got heavy, a little too heavy for that kind of wrap. He began stretching the fabric a little too much for my comfort. So, thanks to my mother, I upgraded to a very fancy, expensive carrier.
There are a ridiculous amount of benefits to babywearing…everything from increasing child’s bond with mother, to better sleeping habits and a more relaxed overall child. However, I want to share some more ‘real life’ benefits with you…
My hands are free
You would think that this would be a given to anyone who sees me wearing my son, but you’d be shocked how many people are amazed when I point that out to them. Do you not see that I’m able to grab objects with both hands? My child is securely fastened against my body, content, not screaming and yet I’m still able to function like a normal person? Do you really not see that benefit?
My one arm doesn’t hurt constantly
I’m not forced into lugging him around on my left hip. Since I’m right-handed, he always ends up on my left hip. This makes my back hurt, my arm hurt and overall I get pretty bitchy about this after about 10-15 minutes of holding him like that. Oh, and did I mention that after 10 minutes of being carried like that he tends to start arching his back and flailing his arms around like he’s just been poked with a cattle prod? Yeah, he doesn’t like the one arm, one hip approach too much either.
I. Can. Leave. The. Damn. Car. Seat. In. The. Car.
This is the big one for me. That thing is effing heavy. I mean ridiculously heavy. The baby is not so heavy. The car seat is not so heavy. You can have a 6 pound child, and when they sit in that car seat they instantly become a combined weight of 75 pounds. I’m not exactly sure how the physics work on this but I bet just about any mom out there can be back me up on this one. I refuse to carry around my son who is legitimately 20 pounds in a 60 pound car seat. I am just not carrying my heavy baby in his heavy car seat with his heavy diaper bag on one arm because I need the other arm free to do these pesky little things like open the car door or unlock my house.
Breastfeeding
It truly amazes me that beyond the health benefits no one ever sees the other benefits of breastfeeding. I just have to stop in awe when people ask me, “Ugh, how long are going to do that for?” With that look of I-just-smelled-something-rotten on their faces. Really? I’m going to do this as long as I damn well please. This is the easiest, most “normal” to feed you kid in my opinion. If I could breastfeed him for 6 years and it was socially acceptable, I would.
There are no bottles
I seldom have to wash a bottle. And when I do, I can tell you this, my husband hears me bitch about it. For days. I hate washing bottles. It’s a pain in the ass, they take forever to dry, and they take up so much room while they’re not being used. And there is really no good way to get the damn nipples clean enough to my standards other than boiling them, and I just refuse to do that. No one like the smell of burning nipples in the air.
It’s free
It doesn’t cost me a damn thing to whip out boob and feed my kid with it. It’s free. Always has been and always will be. I will never pay anything to feed my kid with my boobs. Except for the cost of a pump and a few nursing bras, the cost is minimal compared to a year’s worth of formula. I shudder to think about how much money we would have spent if my 20 pound 5 month old actually ate formula. I’m guessing we would have had to stop buying name peanut butter and switch the dog over to Wal-Mart brand food by now.
There is no measuring involved
Never once have I had to think about how many ounces to mix with what and how much he needs in a day. This is why I wish I could breastfeed him forever. I hate having to think about measuring out his food and monitoring how much he eats how often. With breastfeeding it’s pretty damn self explanatory…feed the baby when he lets out a hunger cry, he’ll stop when he’s done, if he eats too much he’ll spit it out. There are no measuring cups involved with this, thus one less thing to wash. AND I always know that he is getting the exact amount of everything that he needs because my body knows exactly what to make for him.
So, that’s one mom’s take on some “crunchy” behaviors. You can give me all the shit in the world about how I’m damaging my son’s independence and thwarting my chances of being a normal person again. I really don’t care or buy into any of that. My son will not be in a carrier when he’s twelve, and I know I will wish he could be. I highly doubt I’m going to look back at this time period and think, “I wish I held my son less.” I enjoy every moment of carrying him against my chest and having our bonding over milk because I know soon enough he’ll be pushing me away as he’s heading in the door for his first day of high school.
And then I slapped with reality…as I have been so many times in the past 5 months since having my son. I was at Target, wearing my 5 month old son in his baby carrier and someone engaged me in conversation. Wearing him something I do on a regular basis when out in public because I can’t figure out any other way to do anything in public without wearing him. The lady approached me with a warm, oh so condescending, smile. When she asked about the carrier I told her that I just found it easier to wear him than try to carry him in the car seat around the store. The lady smiled, nodded her head, said, "How crunchy of you," rolled her eyes and walked away from me.
I was rather shocked. I never really thought of the things I did for my baby as being "crunchy". Then I did some more research into it...it turns out I am rather crunchy. Not, clothes making crunchy, but crunchy nonetheless. However, I think many, many people are failing to see the upsides (and superficial sides) of being crunchy. So here's an honest to god truth about two of these so called "crunchy" behaviors.
Babywearing
For those of you not familiar with this concept, this is when a mom or dad will wear their baby in a specially made carrier or sling. Some of them are backpack types, some of them are pieces of fabric that are wrapped a special way, others are simple slings that can be adjusted according to baby's needs.
We used to use one that was a long piece of fabric and I would wrap myself and my son in. I really loved it, my son really loved it. And then he got heavy, a little too heavy for that kind of wrap. He began stretching the fabric a little too much for my comfort. So, thanks to my mother, I upgraded to a very fancy, expensive carrier.
There are a ridiculous amount of benefits to babywearing…everything from increasing child’s bond with mother, to better sleeping habits and a more relaxed overall child. However, I want to share some more ‘real life’ benefits with you…
My hands are free
You would think that this would be a given to anyone who sees me wearing my son, but you’d be shocked how many people are amazed when I point that out to them. Do you not see that I’m able to grab objects with both hands? My child is securely fastened against my body, content, not screaming and yet I’m still able to function like a normal person? Do you really not see that benefit?
My one arm doesn’t hurt constantly
I’m not forced into lugging him around on my left hip. Since I’m right-handed, he always ends up on my left hip. This makes my back hurt, my arm hurt and overall I get pretty bitchy about this after about 10-15 minutes of holding him like that. Oh, and did I mention that after 10 minutes of being carried like that he tends to start arching his back and flailing his arms around like he’s just been poked with a cattle prod? Yeah, he doesn’t like the one arm, one hip approach too much either.
I. Can. Leave. The. Damn. Car. Seat. In. The. Car.
This is the big one for me. That thing is effing heavy. I mean ridiculously heavy. The baby is not so heavy. The car seat is not so heavy. You can have a 6 pound child, and when they sit in that car seat they instantly become a combined weight of 75 pounds. I’m not exactly sure how the physics work on this but I bet just about any mom out there can be back me up on this one. I refuse to carry around my son who is legitimately 20 pounds in a 60 pound car seat. I am just not carrying my heavy baby in his heavy car seat with his heavy diaper bag on one arm because I need the other arm free to do these pesky little things like open the car door or unlock my house.
Breastfeeding
It truly amazes me that beyond the health benefits no one ever sees the other benefits of breastfeeding. I just have to stop in awe when people ask me, “Ugh, how long are going to do that for?” With that look of I-just-smelled-something-rotten on their faces. Really? I’m going to do this as long as I damn well please. This is the easiest, most “normal” to feed you kid in my opinion. If I could breastfeed him for 6 years and it was socially acceptable, I would.
There are no bottles
I seldom have to wash a bottle. And when I do, I can tell you this, my husband hears me bitch about it. For days. I hate washing bottles. It’s a pain in the ass, they take forever to dry, and they take up so much room while they’re not being used. And there is really no good way to get the damn nipples clean enough to my standards other than boiling them, and I just refuse to do that. No one like the smell of burning nipples in the air.
It’s free
It doesn’t cost me a damn thing to whip out boob and feed my kid with it. It’s free. Always has been and always will be. I will never pay anything to feed my kid with my boobs. Except for the cost of a pump and a few nursing bras, the cost is minimal compared to a year’s worth of formula. I shudder to think about how much money we would have spent if my 20 pound 5 month old actually ate formula. I’m guessing we would have had to stop buying name peanut butter and switch the dog over to Wal-Mart brand food by now.
There is no measuring involved
Never once have I had to think about how many ounces to mix with what and how much he needs in a day. This is why I wish I could breastfeed him forever. I hate having to think about measuring out his food and monitoring how much he eats how often. With breastfeeding it’s pretty damn self explanatory…feed the baby when he lets out a hunger cry, he’ll stop when he’s done, if he eats too much he’ll spit it out. There are no measuring cups involved with this, thus one less thing to wash. AND I always know that he is getting the exact amount of everything that he needs because my body knows exactly what to make for him.
So, that’s one mom’s take on some “crunchy” behaviors. You can give me all the shit in the world about how I’m damaging my son’s independence and thwarting my chances of being a normal person again. I really don’t care or buy into any of that. My son will not be in a carrier when he’s twelve, and I know I will wish he could be. I highly doubt I’m going to look back at this time period and think, “I wish I held my son less.” I enjoy every moment of carrying him against my chest and having our bonding over milk because I know soon enough he’ll be pushing me away as he’s heading in the door for his first day of high school.
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